Beautiful heart, tortured mind: How a Rockford-area man’s legacy of generosity continues after his death

By Kevin Haas
Rock River Current
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ROCKFORD — Connor White found joy in helping others, but he never found a way to ask for help himself.

In his 24 years of life, White built a reputation for carrying out the type of small, everyday heroics that showed his compassion for others: Carrying groceries three blocks when someone’s car had died, sitting alongside a friend going through surgery or sending a simple text or call to remind someone he cares.

But he suffered with depression and anxiety when he was alone. And he struggled with physical pain, too. He was initially prescribed opioids for a persistent back problem, and later he found fentanyl on the streets.

White died from an overdose of fentanyl on May 27.

“He had a beautiful heart, and he had a tortured mind,” his father, Michael White, said.

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Now, Michael White is working to keep his son’s legacy of generosity alive. He has created a new endowment fund through the Community Foundation of Northern Illinois designed to help kids who may not have the strength to ask for help themselves.

Connor “would do things to the detriment of himself to help other people because it made him feel good,” Michael White said. “I truly believe that he got self-worth and value by helping other people that he just couldn’t see in himself.”

Michael White’s search for meaning after the death of his son led him to create the endowment fund. He’s contributed $50,000 to the fund and is working to raise another $50,000.

The money will initially benefit Campus Life, a nonprofit program through Youth for Christ that helps kids in the Harlem School District find a safe space and sense of belonging. Michael White hopes the endowment will eventually expand its reach into other schools in the region.

“If we can help other kids, then, in essence, that’s my therapy,” Michael White said. “To me, his being, he’s still here and he’s helping other kids, which I know he would do.”

Connor White, who attended East High School and was living in Machesney Park before his death, was passionate about music and history.

He had an eclectic taste in music that ranged from the Texas blues of Stevie Ray Vaughan to the raw grunge of the 1990s, his family said. And when others might talk about the latest football game, Connor would rather tell you about the battle in which Scottland won its independence.

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Connor White often picked up qualities of others that defined who he became, his family said.

“He had an unbounding heart, and such a strong faith in his fellow man. And with each passing character that played a role in his life, he had found a piece of himself,” his older brother, Logan, 29, said in Connor’s eulogy.

“.. nearly every aspect of Connor had been something he adored so much in others, that he had made it a part of himself. He truly was a living representation of striving to see the goodness that exists in each of us.”

Logan decided to change his career trajectory after his brother’s death. He’s now a case worker helping children with mental health issues.

Michael White said Connor’s troubles began when a new doctor opted to try to ween Connor off medications. But Connor’s anxiety and pain increased despite counseling.

“It was an uphill battle that we just weren’t winning,” Michael White said.

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Connor found connections to fentanyl, a cheap opioid that is 50 to 100 times more potent than morphine.

He overdosed on a Tuesday, but was revived by paramedics who used Narcan to help him. Three days later he overdosed again and died.

“I’m certainly not blaming the doctors,” Michael White said. “I think this is a situation that we have in our society and our culture right now where we’re dealing with really, really good people who are dealing with mental health issues and pain issues. …”

Records from the Winnebago County Coroner’s Office show fentanyl overdose deaths have been on the rise during the past three years.

There were 113 overdose deaths involving fentanyl through the first 10 months of this year. That’s up from 100 through the first 10 months of 2021.

There were 119 total overdose deaths involving fentanyl, and often a mixture of other drugs, in 2021 and 122 in 2020. There were 84 such deaths in 2019.

Through Connor’s Second Chance, Michael White hopes to help connect young men and women to the support they need even if they are afraid to ask.

“I really respect and admire the way that Mike is responding to a very serious adversity,” said Haddon Anderson, executive director of Stateline Youth for Christ, the umbrella nonprofit for Campus Life.

The money raised – about 4% of the initial endowment – will help Campus Life with food, transportation, staffing and other operational costs.

Campus Life is a Christian organization, but Anderson said all are welcome regardless of their faith.

“We’re welcoming kids from all different backgrounds and trying to meet them where they’re at and talk through what’s going on in their lives,” Anderson said.

The nonprofit goes into the schools to connect with kids at their own level. It also has a building at 6627 N. Second St., Loves Park, to serve as a safe space.

“Kids are finding a place of belonging,” Anderson said “This type of place can be a space — is a space — where young people who are struggling, maybe as Connor did, can find some hope.”

How to help | Connor’s Second Chance

About: This endowment through the Community Foundation of Northern Illinois will ensure that Connor White’s name will forever be associated with love, generosity, and giving – the way he should be remembered. Connor had a huge heart and wouldn’t hesitate to help anyone in need, but he would never ask for help himself. This fund will be used to help those kids who don’t think they’re worthy of it, the ones who have a kind and giving spirit and deserve a helping hand. Connor didn’t get the chance to do all the things he should have in his too-short life. His legacy – his second chance – is to make sure that other kids like him don’t miss out on theirs.

Donate: You can donate online HERE.

Physical checks can be mailed to:

Community Foundation of Northern Illinois
946 N. Second St., Rockford, IL  61107

(Checks must be made out to the Community Foundation of Northern Illinois. Note “Connor’s Second Chance” in the memo.)

Learn more about Connor and the endowment: cfnil.org/connors-second-chance

This article is by Kevin Haas. Email him at khaas@rockrivercurrent.com or follow him on Twitter at @KevinMHaas or Instagram @thekevinhaas.